


Jenny Darling (You’re My Best Friend)

by blathersmuseumcollection



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Genre: Anxiety, Awkwardness, Baristas, Coffee Shops, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, FOR LEGAL REASONS THIS IS A JOKE, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Help, Hurt/Comfort, Lowercase, M/M, Mpreg, Revenge, this is becoming less of a joke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27716185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blathersmuseumcollection/pseuds/blathersmuseumcollection
Summary: “the park was glimmering with late night raindrops, perhaps left over from the warm summer showers, drenching the new york streets to the bone, while some basked in it and others sprinted from the crying heavens. streetlights framed the paths, benches sprinkled occasionally next to trees, a simple landmark for conversation or mental breakdowns. lowest and highest points in one’s life, where people are on the top of the world or are falling deeper then they ever have, their future laying in a maze of alcohol bottles and sleepless nights.to put it simply, the park was beautiful.“in other words, tony stark and willy wonka’s forbidden romance.
Relationships: Tony Stark/Willy Wonka
Comments: 7
Kudos: 9





	1. love

**Author's Note:**

> title of the story is from jenny, by the studio killers.
> 
> for legal reasons, this is a joke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for legal reasons, this is a joke.

tony stark sat in his ivory tower, waiting for pepper to go to bed, so he could see his true love. many thought stark was a calm and collected man, always cool as a cucumber in the face of danger, but boy were they wrong. maybe the tapping of his feet and was seen as just bound-up energy, but in reality, he was anxious to see his chocolate prince, his swanky, top-hat wielding sunflower. 

—

willy wonka’s oompa-loompas started packing up the chocolate for the night, cranking the chocolate river’s lever till it slowed to a stop, the factory’s energy buzzing to a dim. wonka’s tired eyes suddenly lit up as he thought of iron man, who was supposed to meet him tonight at the park. who knew tony stark could be such a romantic? it wasn’t a planned romance. wonka knew that he had his spring fling with pepper, but it wasn’t a real connection. likely for the press. deep down, we all knew tony stark was a closeted twink. 

willy could see it, the spark of love that lit up in tony’s eyes the moment they set eyes on one another. pepper didn’t have that with him. it’s a soulmate thing, once-in-a-lifetime type of moment, heart pumping a little faster than usual, face flushing, the avoidance of eye contact. but you can’t escape it. dread it, run from it. destiny arrives all the same. and he couldn’t wait to see where his destiny led them tonight.

—

the park was glimmering with late night raindrops, perhaps left over from the warm summer showers, drenching the new york streets to the bone, while some basked in it and others sprinted from the crying heavens. streetlights framed the paths, benches sprinkled occasionally next to trees, a simple landmark for conversation or mental breakdowns. lowest and highest points in one’s life, where people are on the top of the world or are falling deeper then they ever have, their future laying in a maze of alcohol bottles and sleepless nights.

to put it simply, the park was beautiful.

in the distance, the faint thrust of the iron-man suit could be heard, heading towards willy, who was sitting idly on a park bench. tony stark landed, his helmet lifting, revealing his face. “hey, honeybear.”

wonka immediately flushed, so happy to see his boyfriend after a full twelve hours of waiting. “you’re a bad nut, tony stark.”

“hehehe,” giggled tony, an unusual sound coming from the curt man. “shall we head back to your factory?”

willy wonka could feel the blush take over his ears and cheeks. “thought you’d never ask.”

and then they BONED.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i used a camp camp line at the end 🙄🤚


	2. hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it begins...

willy was strutting through the mean streets of new york city to tony stark’s apartment. he knew all of the shortcuts, even if they ran through the shady parts of town. the excitement lit up his body and he soon began sprinting down the alleyway, euphoria taking over his limbs. 

———

suddenly, he heard scraping footsteps behind him, sneakers on wet pavement, from the heavy summer rain that had showered mother earth the night before. they got closer, the noise making willy nervous, his trembling heart was pumping at least 150BPM. wonka turned around, his body convulsing in fear, knees knocking together as he struggled to stay upright, wobbling dangerously.

as he whipped around, his heart plummeted to his shoes, his lips pressed into a thin line as he noticed thirty two and a half people creeping towards him, some with knives and pitchforks, glimmering in the silver moonlight, the blades mocking him, how could something so dangerous possibly radiate such beauty. his knees buckled and he fell to the pavement in terror. 

the muggers started running towards his trembling fallen form, shaking like a fall leaf, from its mother tree. his blood was rushing like thunder erupting outside of a volcano, he couldn’t hear the iron man repulsers in the distance. however, once he heard his true loves voice echo through the alleyway, willy knew he would be safe. wonka was aware of the distant sounds of combat, his heart fluttering in pride.

how did i get so lucky? wonka wondered to himself, such a fine specimen of a man. willy licked his cracked lips, coating them with chocolate saliva. and before he could lift himself off the ground, tony stark rushed over to him, lifting him bridal style. “are you okay, honeybear?” stark inquired, holding the convulsing man to his pecs.

“perfectly fine, baby...but there’s something i have to tell you.”

tony tilted his head to the side, as if to ask what is it?

wonka took a deep breath.

“i’m pregnant.”


	3. the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the angst you’ve all been waiting for.

it had been three weeks since the pregnancy, and tony stark was riddled with guilt. him and wonka had always been careful, but now everyone would find out about his affair. he loved pepper, at least he thought he did. but his eyes didn’t light up the way they did when he laid eyes on willy. his stomach didn’t fill with butterflies like a little kid with a crush. maybe he loved pepper, but not the way he loved wonka.

—

stark’s palms were sweaty as he dialed pepper’s phone number. she picked up on the third ring.  
“tony, what is it this time, dear?” she uttered, oblivious as ever. she’d never forgive him, and he knew it.  
“pep, we need to talk. can you meet me at the compound?”

pepper started convulsing with fear, immediately knowing something was not right. “i’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

the waiting game began.

—

meanwhile, wonka sauntered around town, feeling like a proud father already. he knew he wouldn’t have a baby bump yet, but he’d give it time. 

he strutted confidently, new york buzzing around him. he loved the city, it was constantly shifting, the buildings molding higher and higher until thick layers of cloud hid the tallest skyscrapers, leaving their height a mystery unbeknownst to anyone except the extraterrestrials and angels.

as he strolled along the asphalt, he gave candy to the children, fresh from the factory. their parents quickly threw them in the nearest garbage can they could find. but willy didn’t care. as long as he made somebody happy, it was enough.

—

pepper and tony sat across from each other. the tension was unbearable. one knew the other was keeping a secret, and the other had a secret they didn’t know how to tell. it was almost comical, they way they foiled each other so perfectly but had enough similarities to fool themselves into loving one another. 

“tony—“ pepper began.

“pep. here’s the deal. i’m so sorry. i’m so fucking sorry.” 

pepper tilted her head, her face contorted with worry and fear. “tony. please tell me.”

“god, pep. you’re making it so hard to break your heart. sometimes we fool ourselves. maybe i loved you at some point, and maybe i still do, but i’ve fallen for another. william wonka. i love you, but you deserve someone who’ll be honest with you.”

pepper stared at him, flabbergasted, but then burst out laughing. “and here i thought this was going to be something serious. nice one, stark. being in love with the chocolate man.” then she noticed his face, stoic and guilt-ridden, the laugh lines she expected seemingly invisible.

“pep-“ he tried.

“no. i’m talking, you’re listening. everyone warned me about the ‘unpredictable, dangerous, tony stark.’ i was so mad at myself for believing them, i thought you’d changed, had a spot in your shriveled, selfish heart for me. god, i should’ve believed them. you’ll never change. and one day, willy will realize this too, and you’ll be left with nothing.” and with that she left.

tony breathed out a sigh of relief? guilt? anger? he didn’t know. all he could do was burst into song, sound waves echoing across the compound, heard by none but FRIDAY and the souls of the fallen.


	4. a brief interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony’s lament. 
> 
> ⚠️ EMOTIONAL WARNING ⚠️

she walks away  
her eyes drift ‘round the room  
they stare at everything but me

a portrait mimics me  
as if it knows my misery  
nobody knows this iron-clad entity... 

O wonka...  
what have you done to me?  
have i been trapped  
or am i finally free?


	5. vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hate this—  
> things are getting spicyyyyy

pepper potts couldn’t stop walking. she had to keep moving. walk until this wasn’t a reality anymore. outrun the fact that who she thought was her soulmate sunk her heart into ash, leaving nothing but a broken shell of the woman she wanted so desperately to be. she perambulated block after block, until she ended up at a charming coffee shop.

the coffee shop seemed like something out of a movie. warm, cozy, with frothy drinks to try and build yourself back up when everything in the world knocks you down. pepper felt strangely drawn to this place. she glanced back at all the streets she’d trudged down. the compound was nowhere in sight. she deserved to stop and have a drink.

she strolled inside, the room filling with a soft chiming sound from bells attached to the birch door, swirls of wood splattered across the slab of wood, like an artist’s canvas, but created by mother nature herself. pepper took a seat next to the counter and her walls fell down.

tears freely poured down her face, as she shamelessly cried in the middle of the whole world buzzing around her. the shop only had a few other customers in it, studying or sitting by the fire with their drinks. none of them seeming bothered by her mental breakdown, sparing her from the pitying glances she hated receiving.

in the midst of her misery, she heard a small clink of a coffee cup in front of her. she wiped her eyes to reveal a hot chocolate in front of her, with a sticky note reading “on the house.”

she gazed around the room, her eyes landing on a sexy barista, who winked at her, and seated himself in the chair next to her.

“so, what’s got you down?” he asked, his tone both determined yet sympathetic.

pepper felt oddly comforted by this stranger. she felt like she could tell him anything.

“my genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, cheater boyfriend.” she blurted, and mentally facepalmed. she didn’t mean to burden this stranger with her trivial love life. “god, i’m a wreck. thanks for the drink, i think i should go.”

“no, wait a second!” the barista exclaimed. “it’s alright, i’m here to listen.”

pepper stood in awe of his kindness, and told him the whole story.

eventually, the barista asked what she was gonna do next, expecting an answer such as ‘self care’ or ‘focusing on family instead.’ the answer he received struck him to the core, and he felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“i’m taking revenge. and you’re going to help me.” pepper concluded.


	6. empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning: intrusive thoughts + self depreciation. this chapter is just a bit heavier than usual, and less cursed. stay safe :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you’re still reading this, you’re a trooper. you have my respect.

there had always been a feeling of emptiness in willy wonka’s life. it wasn’t overpowering, but it did linger. it was always humming in the background. whispering. haunting. rotting. 

however, it’s quiet rumble had ceased when he met tony.

—

wonka flamboyantly skipped into a public park, a sentimental place for him. tony and willy had had their first date here, sitting under a sturdy oak tree, as stark rambled for hours and hours about science. willy didn’t understand, but he listened. the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist had found the hole in his chocolate heart and settled in. 

it was an easy kind of love, like floating through the endless void of space, any insecurities they had would fade the moment they looked at each other. 

tonight was the couple’s eight-month anniversary, and wonka was ready to take the next step. tonight was the night he’d ask tony stark to move in with him, after a romantic stroll beneath the trees where the eye had fallen for each other. wonka spent most of his summer at the factory, working hard to make sure the chocolate haven didn’t melt into nothingness. in winter, he closed up shop and headed to his apartment in manhattan, the bustle of the city making him feel quite at home.

the december air bit his ears and ankles, the appendages going pink and numb. wonka pulled out his phone and dialed his iron prince’s number.

there were three rings before stark’s gruff and inquisitive voice shined through the cheap phone speakers. “hello?” there was a hint of despair in his voice, and willy felt a knot form deep within his stomach.

“tony? what is it, dear? is everything alright? i’m at the park right now, but i don’t see you...” wonka rambled.

a deep, shaky breath rattled through the line. “shit. shit, shit, shit, william, i am so sorry. it slipped my mind. look, i told pepper. about us. i had to. god, i’m so sorry. the guilt was eating me alive...” stark’s voice faded into oblivion as white noise invaded willy wonka’s ears.

wonka’s thoughts spiraled out of control. he hates you. he’s guilty for being with you. who wouldn’t be? it’s embarrassing to be with the chocolate, top-hat wielding chocolatier. he’s embarrassed of you.

“...willy? honey, are you there?” stark’s voice cut through his thoughts, ceasing his self-deprecating anxiety snowball.

william froze, he felt disgusting, he needed to be alone. “i-i gotta go. end call.”

he shoved his phone deep into his pocket, the wind rushing around him. although the winter gust was deafening, it was barely a hum in comparison to the endless noise around him, something he thought was gone forever.

the emptiness lingered.


	7. surprise?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> late night drives and ruined plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO KUDOS LETS GOOOOOOO  
> anyway, this chapter is very boring in my opinion, but i must give the people content  
> 🕳🏃

stark sadly strutted home, a long, drawn-out sigh escaped his lips, his breath visible in the december air. he wished he could pinch himself, wake up from this nightmare of a day. 

he decided to go on a drive, something he frequently did during his dignified self-loathing hours. it was strangely soothing, the seemingly endless manhattan streets, mouthing along to songs on autopilot, not even registering the words. there was one question dancing in his mind. 

“how can i make this up to william wonka?”

the question lingered in his frontal lobe as he mindlessly drove around town. he had to make it up to his swanky chocolatier boyfriend somehow. he ended up circling the same streets for hours on end, only realizing how much time had passed when the sun rays of a new day had started stretching across the new york city landscape, sunlight speckling the skyscrapers.

“oh geez, how long have i been out here?” he muttered to himself, making a u-turn to make his way back home. 

suddenly, his phone rang, some silly ringtone filling his ears. he almost declined until he saw who it was from.

william. 

———

wonka wandered around his apartment. he wasn’t mad at stark. at least, he didn’t want to be. he had a bad habit of stopping himself from sharing his feelings, but all he wanted to do was run to anthony, hugging him and telling him everything.

he pulled out his phone, fingers hovering over tony’s contact. stark answered, “hello, willy? are you there?" a hint of worry and desperation coating his voice. wonka groaned and fumbled to end the call. he wasn’t ready, he needed a few hours to cry. he finally managed to end the call.

or so he thought.

he ended up plopping down on his couch and ranting to nobody, trying to find some form of catharsis. “oh tony, it was supposed to be our night. we were supposed to talk and laugh and i would finally ask you to move in. you’re such a big and beautiful part of my life, i wish you thought the same.”

wonka jumped when he heard the voice through his speakers sigh and start to say, “william, i-“

willy hadn’t ended the call. stark had heard everything. he knew everything. william actually managed to end the call before things could possibly get any worse.

how is it that things never seemed to go to plan for wonka? now tony knew, and everything was going to fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why


	8. epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a sudden realization on tony’s part, and cathartic conversations arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🛬

papers scattered the floor of the coffee shop, crossed-out words littering the page. one piece of college-ruled paper lay before pepper potts and the ravishing barista. he gazed into her orbs, her irises sparkling the moonlight peeking in from the skylight. the edges of her lips rose into a curved smile, like water evaporating from a young adult, emerging from the sea.

“this is it.” she whispered, her tone laced in finality. “we need to call him. i’ll call nat, see if she knows the old man’s number.”

“who?” the barista inquired.

she rolled her orbs, facial features dancing in the dim light of the closed coffee-shop. “we’ve been over this. steve rogers? captain america? do you live under a rock or something?”

his comically wide shoulders stiffened. “you’re telling me we’re getting captain america to make tony jealous? by being with you?”

she nods enthusiastically. “it’s foolproof. rogers has the hots for me anyway, who wouldn’t? i’m pepper potts, and tony is getting what he deserves.”

——

“please talk to me.”

wonka sat away from the iron-clad man, convulsing in shame. his chocolate back faced tony. he couldn’t bear to be seen in such a state, not by the man who he called his true love. “there’s nothing to say.”

tony paused, choosing his next words carefully. “i could say yes."

wonka turned around, the moist tears running down his face dripping to a stop. “what does that mean?”

anthony stark stood tall. “i said yes. willy, my dearest, i’d love to move in with you. after all, we’re gonna be parents.” he rested a hand on wonka’s stomach, the idea suddenly hitting him like a stampede. “we’re gonna be parents.”

stark suddenly embraced wonka. hysterical laughter engulfing the air as william soon joined in with his heroic giggles. they had created a whole other human being! what a beautiful moment in the universe.

they soon fell asleep, still embracing, until the dawn enveloped them in her sun rays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🛫


	9. discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shenanigans ensue with a dose of well-seasoned mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not uploading in so long 🥶😈🥵

it had been a week since anthony and william had made the leap of faith and moved in together. the sun creeped in through the curtains, as wonka cradled his baby bump, gazing upon the sunrise stretching across new york city. william suddenly felt a strange sensation in his chocolate stomach.

could it be? had the baby kicked? he convulsed in excitement, toes wiggling in euphoria. tony stark had crawled out of bed, heading to the avengers’ compound for the day. william had big plans. he anticipated surprising his iron prince at work, maybe getting a little action. in the meantime, he poured a glass of cereal with rice milk, gorging himself on the luxurious meal he’d created. 

everything seemed perfect. too perfect.

———

tony stark strutted into his lab, shoulders swinging flamboyantly. his face had molded into one of anger, features aflame metaphorically. nobody had warned him that steve rogers, his worst enemy, would be stepping foot into his building. he brooded in his lab, hiding away his feelings with mechanics, as always. out of nowhere, FRIDAY’s smooth, robotic voice echoed throughout his lab. “boss, there’s someone requesting your presence in the utility closet.” tony wiggled his unibrow in confusion. the utility closet? what a strange place to meet. nevertheless, a meeting was a meeting. he made his way to the utility closet.

as anthony approached the closet, he felt his heart begin to pulsate under his chest. he felt as though something powerful was drawing him to the utility closet, something sweet and succulent. as he opened the door, the force took on a name, william wonka, the chocolatier of his heart. they embraced, and wonka’s lips drew ever closer to tony’s, until they connected. iron man felt complete in this perfect moment with his one true love.

then, all of a sudden, with a bang, the door flew open, hinges squeaking. three faces appeared into tony’s view, two familiar, and one a complete mystery.

pepper potts, steve rogers, and a strangely attractive barista stared in both disgust and fascination. steve opened his mouth, as if to say something, but he quickly shut it as willy spoke up from the closet, staring intently at the ravishing barista. something behind the chocolatier’s eyes glimmered with recognition, and with sorrow. with a shaky voice, he uttered, “lord kenzington?”


End file.
